Jealous and Concerned

        I am a 29 year old gay man. For the past year, I’ve been in a monogamous relationship with an absolutely wonderful boyfriend. However, there is one thing that I’m really having trouble accepting. My boyfriend once hooked up with a man for one night only. But, after their hookup, they decided to become friends. I’m not really all that comfortable knowing my boyfriend is still friends with someone he once slept with. I’ll admit I’m somewhat jealous, because I feel like if they hooked up once, what’s to stop them from hooking up again? My boyfriend has reassured me that this won’t happen, but I’m still jealous and concerned. 

 Signed, 

      Jealous and concerned

Dear Jealous and concerned, 

 I do absolutely understand your concern. However, it’s not uncommon for Gay or Bisexual men to remain friends with an ex, or even a one time hookup. Do these friendships ever turn sexual again? The answer is some do, but most do not. Also, I’m wondering how much trust you have in your boyfriend? He has already reassured you that this is literally just a friendship. You asked what’s to stop them from hooking up again. Part of that answer is you, as well as the monogamous relationship you, and your boyfriend have had for a year. 

I’m also wondering about your sense of self esteem and self worth. I think you could benefit from seeing a therapist who can both help you navigate this situation that is so troubling to you, as well as work on self esteem and trust issues. 

Your therapist will most likely welcome your boyfriend into 1 or 2 of your sessions, (after some time in therapy), and then the two of you can discuss this in a safe space. 

Take Care, 

        Liza