There are four main attachment styles:
1. Secure Attachment
2. Anxious Attachment
3. Avoidant Attachment
4. Disorganized Attachment
Secure Attachment: The Foundation of Healthy Relationships
Individuals with a secure attachment style tend to feel comfortable with intimacy and independence. Their caregivers were likely responsive and consistent, teaching them that relationships are safe and dependable. As adults, they can navigate relationships with confidence, communicate effectively, and handle conflict constructively.
Signs of a secure attachment style:
• You trust your partner without excessive jealousy or fear.
• You feel comfortable being vulnerable and expressing needs.
• You balance closeness and autonomy.
Anxious Attachment: The Pursuit of Reassurance
Those with an anxious attachment style often grew up with inconsistent caregivers—sometimes present and nurturing, other times unavailable. This unpredictability can create a fear of abandonment and a heightened need for reassurance.
Signs of an anxious attachment style:
• You worry your partner will leave or doesn’t love you enough.
• You may feel overly clingy or dependent in relationships.
• You crave constant validation and struggle with trust.
Avoidant Attachment: The Need for Distance
Avoidant individuals often experienced caregivers who were emotionally unavailable or dismissive. They learned early on to suppress their needs and rely on themselves. This can lead to discomfort with intimacy and a tendency to prioritize independence over closeness.
Signs of an avoidant attachment style:
• You feel uncomfortable with emotional closeness.
• You might push people away when they get too close.
• You value self-reliance and may avoid expressing feelings.
Disorganized Attachment: A Conflicted Push-and-Pull
Disorganized attachment often arises from chaotic or traumatic early experiences. Caregivers may have been sources of both comfort and fear, leaving the child confused about whether relationships are safe. Adults with this style may struggle with both intimacy and independence, often displaying contradictory behaviors.
Signs of a disorganized attachment style:
• You alternate between craving closeness and pushing it away.
• You may experience intense emotional reactions in relationships.
• You feel a lack of trust in yourself and others.
Attachment styles can be changed, or modified. In our next blog post, we’ll examine how to change and or modify attachment styles.
Liza Linder, MSW, LCSW, is a therapist with 30 years of experience serving the LGBTQ+ and PLWHIV communities. Liza is in person only, in our Philadelphia offices. For more information about Liza, please click on the therapist’s bios.