Considering It

Dear Liza,

As a lesbian, I’m curious about your thoughts on non monogamy. What advice do you have for queer women considering non-monogamous relationships, and how can we ensure they are healthy and consensual?

Signed, Considering It

Dear Considering It,

This is an excellent question! Many folks are currently in happy and healthy non-monogamous or Polyamorous relationships. In my opinion, the key to these relationships being successful is honest and open communication. If you are considering a non-monogamous or Polyamorous relationship, the first step is to ensure that your current partner is also wanting this type of relationship. If they are, then it’s usually important to establish some rules and boundaries so each person can feel safe, supported, and can get their needs met.

Every relationship like these look a little bit different, depending on the folks involved, and their wants and needs. There are many great books that offer guideline for these relationships. A few are:

The Ethical Slut, Janet W. Hardy, 3rd Edition

More Than Two, Franklin Veaux and Janet Hardy

Opening Up, Tristan Taormino

It’s Called Polyamory, Tamara Pincus

Polysecure, Jessica Fern

Some folks also go to Couple’s Therapy to help them figure out what their boundaries and/or rules might look like. As well as to practice and become even stronger in their open and honest communication.

Whatever you end up deciding, please always be true to yourself and honest with all partners. Much like how all families come in different shapes and sizes, so do romantic relationships.