I’m a 23 year old straight woman. For a little over two years now, I’ve been in a relationship with a straight guy. In general, we have a very strong relationship and he truly makes me happy. There’s just one problem. I don’t think we are having enough sex. When I talk with my friends, they all seem to be having way more sex than we are. My boyfriend and I generally have sex about twice a week. But, most of my friends are having sex 4-5 times a week. I’m worried that there’s something wrong with our relationship, that we don’t have sex 4-5 times a week. Is this indicative of a larger issue in our relationship?
Signed,
Worried
Dear Worried,
I definitely do understand why you are feeling the way that you are. However, no two couple’s sex life is ever the exact same. You mention that you’re relationship is strong, and that you’re happy in it. It’s a very human trait to want to compare ourselves with our cohorts. Yet, it can often be an unhealthy trait. The truth is, there’s no “right” or “wrong” amount of sex one can have. Obviously sex is a very personal thing, and quite literally every sexual person and couple, has to figure out for themselves individually and for their relationship, how much sex is desired by each person.
The main takeaway from this, is to try not to compare yourself and your relationship with any others. As long as both you and your boyfriend are satisfied with your own sex life, it really shouldn’t matter what other couples may or may not do sexually. If you find yourself wanting more sex for your own reasons or your boyfriend does, you can talk to each other about your desired frequency. Explore the barriers that might come up. If you need assistance with this, you can contact a sex therapist through the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, www.aasect.org.
Take Care,
Liza
Liza Linder, MSW, LCSW, is a therapist with 30 years of experience serving the LGBTQ+ and PLWHIV communities. Liza is in person only, in our Philadelphia offices. For more information about Liza, please click on the therapist’s bios.