Dear Liza,
I’m a 26 yr old bisexual woman. For the past two years, I’ve been in a monogamous romantic relationship with a man. For the past six months, our relationship has really been struggling. It got to the point, where I really questioned whether this relationship was even healthy for me. Then, about a month ago, my boyfriend told me he wanted to break up. It seemed like our only choice, as we were actually making each other miserable. So, we broke up and I moved out. However, despite my knowledge that this relationship was unhealthy for both of us, I still can’t help but miss my ex terribly. I also feel that I’m still a bit in love with him. I definitely do not think we should get back together. What I’m wondering is, are there any techniques that I can use to cure a broken heart faster? I hate feeling this way, and I just want to be over him.
Signed,
Love Lingers
Dear Love Lingers,
The problem you are talking about is actually incredibly common. I always tell my clients, that any breakup has to be grieved, as if someone has passed away. I say this, because any breakup is a death, it’s the death of the dream you two had for each other.
It’s also a statistical fact, that it’s much harder to leave an unhealthy or abusive relationship. There are many reasons why this is true.
In terms of any techniques to heal a broken heart faster, there really aren’t any. However, you want to ensure you are doing several things to help heal your heart.
- Let yourself feel ALL of your feelings
- Allow yourself time and space to really grieve
- Try not to look back on this relationship with rose collared glasses. Were there good times? Yes, there were. Just don’t forget the bad times that made you feel the relationship was unhealthy.
Then, frankly the rest just takes time. Please be sure to surround yourself with a healthy support system, who will listen and be caring. If you begin to feel that you are “stuck” in the grief and loss of this breakup, seeing a therapist can be extremely helpful.
I honestly do understand how difficult this is. I also know that you will get through this, and someday arrive at a place of peace about it.
Take Care,
Liza Linder, MSW, LCSW
Liza Linder, MSW, LCSW, is a therapist with 30 years of experience serving the LGBTQ+ and PLWHIV communities. Liza is in person only, in our Philadelphia offices. For more information about Liza, please click on the therapist’s bios.